heart attack

Attack of heart

a while ago
my brain made a deal with my heart
just keep pumping, just keep pumping
and it would ignore the slowing, the slowing, the slowing
of the vital flow of life blood
and the aching, the hardening, and the increasingly numb feeling

but i guess my brain had its fingers crossed
because it keeps sabotaging the pact it made
using chemical weapons like fear and anxiety
churning out peptides and formaldehydes from its command center
above and behind my eyes

it’s a kind of cardiac sneak attack
reporting back, with detailed facts about the hurt its had
and the love it lacks

ah, what’s a poor corazon to do?
it lives up to its end of the deal – just keep pumping, just keep hoping
but the rhythm feels forced and shallow
“I’ll give that heartbeat a seven, Dick, it has a nice sound but it’s hard to dance to”

so I step in and try to revive it – it’s my body after all
with jim beam and adrenaline and sun-drenched dreams
yelling “CLEAR!” and waiting for the shock of joie de vivre
then using the ensuing sparks
to light my way, fight my way, write my way
though the clots of boredom and the plaque of melancholy
and that big sleeper of heart unease – the insidious heart-clogging constrictions of all of life’s ‘what if’s?’

but I can’t seem to break it up, wake it up, shake it up enough
and the slowing continues
like an old clock winding down
after going around in circles too many times

finally, after being in the background all this time
team lung steps in – pissed off at the shortness of breath
and the big twins tell everyone to shut up, stop fighting, sit the fuck down
just breathe and pay attention to nothing else but breath
for ten god damn minutes

my brain complains and sulks, but stops the flow of toxins
my heart beats a little easier, a little stronger
and my lungs and i finally
breathe a sigh of
relief

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